Fidelity and Physical Intimacy
“Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose … We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose.” (Hugh B. Brown, You and Your Marriage, Bookcraft, 1960, pp. 73, 76)
When I was growing up, s-e-x was something people joked about, but never really talked about. And yes, we even spelled it instead of saying it. Times have changed! Today sex is portrayed in media of every kind, discussed in many a forum, and openly verbalized in many circles. I’m not saying that I believe this is better, because I actually believe what the world has done to the concept of sex has, in many ways, demoralized sexual intimacy from the sacred intimate act it is meant to be.
Procreation or Recreation?
Brent A. Barlow in The Twain Shall Be One states, “Why does something so beautiful sometimes become a source of so many problems? Part of the difficulty stems from mistaken ideas. Some people still believe that sexual intimacy is a necessary evil by which we have children. These people get an inaccurate view from parents who were too embarrassed to discuss such matters with their children or who were so concerned that their children live the law of chastity that they taught only the negative consequences of the improper use of intimacy.” “On the other hand, there are couples who seem to feel that the only reason for sexuality is physical gratification. These people become so obsessed with the achievement of sensation that the emotion of love is all but forgotten.” With so many varying ideas of sexual intimacy all around us, it may be confusing to know which way to sway on the matter.
From the beginning, in the Garden, God said to man, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it”; meaning procreate, have children, thus requiring the sexual act. Barlow continues, “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.”
In order for man and wife to become ‘one’ requires both of them to know each other in the most intimate of ways; spending time together, sharing ideas, nurturing and helping, intimate sexual relations, and making each other the most important thing in their world. If something is meant to be ‘one’ it is not meant to be divided by anything. In the case of a man and wife, they should not be divided by children, extended family, friends, work, entertainment, church activities, hobbies, or anything else. If they lose sight of one another they will be divided.
Absolute Fidelity
Too often in the media today, families are portrayed as anything but a traditional husband and wife scenario. Moral values are not readily evident or espoused. Infidelity is a common occurrence in many plots and as seemingly natural as taking a walk. It is no wonder there is so much infidelity in our society as well. Infidelity starts with the thoughts of infidelity. Kenneth W. Matheson, in Fidelity in Marriage says “Emotional infidelity doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This in one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing.” The only way to maintain absolute fidelity to your spouse is to be faithful to your marriage covenants, in all you think, say, and do.
There are other practices striking at the couple also. Howard W. Hunter, in a talk entitled Being a Righteous Husband and Father, declares, “Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed.” And statistics today show that women are almost as heavily into these eroding practices as men. These are practices to avoid at all costs if we are to have fidelity in marriage. Once practices such as these enter hearts and minds, intimacy within the marriage unit becomes compromised, and the man and wife struggle and/or cease to remain ‘one’.
Ezra Taft Benson stated, “A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man?” This is a question that should be on our minds in order to keep our thoughts, words, and actions in complete fidelity to our spouse. And their spouse should be doing the same.
I have learned that when I put my spouse first in my heart and mind, I do not have room in my heart and mind for anyone or anything else that may detract from my relationship with him. This way my devotion, love, and intimate thoughts are only of him. He does not have to wonder if I am devoted to him, which makes it more likely that he will reciprocate and be devoted to me. And for me, that’s a win-win!
Marriage with a Capital M 